your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
