so that wasnt chicken after all
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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