In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
