so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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