Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You made out with two different species that night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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