His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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