Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
