just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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