I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
