You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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