if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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