In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
