adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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