Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
