When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
