My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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