I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
