Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
