His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
