Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
