Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
