I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
