What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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