so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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