Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
