I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
high people should be assigned attendants
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
