my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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