Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize