Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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