we have officially lost it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I love you. Go after that dick
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
