Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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