So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
