someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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