Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
