you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just threw up on my dentist
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have aggressive nipples.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
