im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
