You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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