i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
