I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
