I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
