i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
