I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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