Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
