Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
