I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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