Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
