Walk of Shame. In a state park.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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