lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Randomize
