yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
