He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
