What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
