Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
