he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
