Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
