It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
either way he was missing a nipple.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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