it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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