I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
