If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize