Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have already put on my inside pants.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
