he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my being single is dangerous.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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