you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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