I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
