So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
