we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize