I'm so fucking centered right now
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
