Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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