I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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