I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
