Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
