if i can run in heels then i can drive
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
