i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
