Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
