Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
