He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
